Sparren: The happy, the sad and the in between
by ScarletCuteTiger
Summary: A load of Sparren one shots. Summaries inside.
1. Proof

**Summary: Darren knows that they still love each other, but how does he know that?**

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'_I could go back to every laugh,_

_But I don't wanna go there any more'_

It was good while it lasted, I thought to myself as I idly watched the sunset from my comfortable perch in the massive oak tree. Me and him, we were perfect for each other. Perfect the way we were. But our relationship changed us. Perhaps for the worst, most likely for the better. He became more like me and I became more like him. Our differences faded until there was very few left. The few that we never thrived on. The very thing that drove me and him together tore us apart. As I glanced to my left, I felt a wrench in my heart. It actually hurt to look at the perch he would have taken, had we still climbed into the strong boughs and sat and talked for hours. Really this faithful old oak saw us through everything. Our first kiss; our first fight. The first time he hit me. The first time he apologised for hitting me, then held me as I cried. The first time we declared our love for each other out loud.

As I fingered the white half of the yin and yang that hung around my neck, I allowed myself a brief smile. Spook had of course had to have the black half of the ancient symbol. He always said he preferred night to day. The necklaces had been Spook's first gift to us as a couple. The half I wear has only ever left my neck once.

The mighty oak tree had also seen our sad times too. Our last kiss, out last fight. The fight in which I told him I hate him and threw the necklace at him before blindly running through the woods to get away from him.

That night when I went to our shared room I found my half of the necklace on my pillow. We both cried ourselves to sleep that night. Although we shared the room, neither of us could go and comfort the other. It took Spook two weeks to stop crying himself to sleep; it took me the best part of three months. We didn't want to split up but we had to. It was for the best. It was killing us to stay together. However I know that we still love each other. The fact that, even to this day – exactly four months later – we still wear those necklaces is proof of that.

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**Aaaahhh soooooo sad :(  
Hope you liked  
Please review even if you hate Sparren (yes I know you're out there)  
Lizzie  
xxx **


	2. What I lost

**Summary: Spook knows why Darren left him and he regrets what he did**

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'As my memory rests  
__But never forgets what I lost'_

I know it's too late to take it all back. But if I could I would. I deeply regret what I did to him. He trusted me. I told him I love him. And I do love him. I just wasn't able to show it very well. I made so many mistakes. I hurt him so much that in the end I just drove him away. I know that he didn't want to leave me. But he had to. He had accepted the abuse for way too long; so had I really. It was because of my temper. The smallest thing would set me off. I8t was never him who made me angry but I always took it out on him which was wrong because I love him. All I ever did was hurt him.

That was towards the end.

At the beginning it was wonderful. I'll never forget those times. I will treasure them forever. And if he ever came back to me I would treasure him forever. I truly regret what I did. And I will always remember what I lost. His sweet smile... his gentle hands... his soft lips... his gorgeous hair. But most of all: his forgiving eyes. That trusted me so much. But I destroyed that trust. I destroyed him. I loved him. I lost him. 


	3. Drifting

**Ummm just a little one this time, Darren's POV, I have a much longer one coming up when I can be bothered to finish writing it and type it up.  
Song: Innocent by Taylor Swift **

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_'Time turns flames to embers'_

You thought no one would notice, so you didn't try to hide it very well. Even if you had I would've noticed.

You're drifting, slowly drifting away from everything. Why my love? Why? Is it something I did?

Your spirit is fading, I can feel it. Your soul is weakening. The fire that once burned so brightly inside you is going out. Smouldering so that only feeble embers remain, trying (and failing) to be as bright as the flames.

At first I only noticed that you were becoming distant from me. We were so close, but that was changing. Quickly. It was breaking my heart.

But then I realized that it wasn't just me. You were becoming distant from everyone and everything.

But what can I do?

Perhaps it's just because we're growing up but time is moving too fast for you. Maybe you want to hold on to all the good times we had when we were children.

But surely it's about time you looked to the future? Think of all the fun we can have when we finish our A levels and go to university.

I know growing up is hard and believe me none of us want to, but it'll be all right. It'll work out.

I just can't bear it that time is turning your flames to embers. Come back to me Spencer, come back.


	4. Tragedy  part 1

**Song: You've Been Here All Along by Miley Cyrus (this song was dedicated to soldiers who are away from home)**

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Spook sighed as he approached his room. He really didn't mind that Darren played music all the time – as long as it was good music. And Miley Cyrus did not count as 'good'. In his head spook cursed Disney for unleashing her onto the world.

_'You're still there for me  
Where ever there might be  
And if an ocean lies between us,  
I'll send a message across the sea  
But you can sleep tonight, knowing it's all right  
I'll believe that you were listening to my song  
You're with me.  
You've been here all along.'_

Spook marched into the room,ready to tease Darren about his taste in music, but he stopped short when he realised that Darren was crying.

Wordlessly he went and put an arm around his boyfriend, pulling him close while they listened to the end of the song.

_'...you've been here all along.'_

Sniffing loudly, Darren moved closer to Spook and buried his head in the crook of his neck.

"He'll be all right" Spook murmured comfortingly. Darren began to sob and the red head just held him while he let it all out.

Spook had to resist the urge to start crying himself. He hated it when Darren – who was normally quite cheerful – was upset.

For the millionth time he wished he could click his fingers and the world would be at peace.

After about half an hour Darren pulled away and looked into Spook's eyes. A silent understanding passed between them. Gently spook pressed his lips against still wet cheeks and held him tighter, wishing there was something he could do.

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**Might continue this...  
Arrie **


	5. The Disillusioned Illusionist

**Song: Take Me Along by Miley Cyrus (not all of it, just some lines)  
Summary: Darren reflects on him and Spook and Spook and _HER. _**

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_The city of angels is lonely at night  
Keep myself alight by candlelight _

It's not as if you're not there. You're always there, perhaps that's part of the problem.

Every single day, seeing you so happy when I'm dying inside.

I know that my feelings for you will never go away. They used to be unlocked doors – ready to open and discover what's behind them. My love for you used to be something I could explore, new things to work out and enjoy.

Now it's a burden. One I'll never be rid of.

My love that I (still) feel for you is like a heavy rock chained to my ankle (or my heart).

Only you have the key.

_So she can love you like I do._

There were always rumours about you and her, one that I used to smile quietly about and laugh on the inside because I knew they couldn't possibly be true.

She's pretty, I'll give you that, but is she really worth losing my love for?

Except you didn't lose my love.

You rejected it.

You didn't want it any more.

You didn't want me.

You wanted her.

It's not that I've got anything against her, I just don't think she's worthy of you.

Maybe I wasn't worthy of you.

Does she hold you when you cry? Does she laugh when you laugh? Does she cry for you? Would she do anything for you? Does she automatically smile whenever she hears your voice? Does she love you?

I held you when you cried (which wasn't very often). I laughed when you laughed. I cried for you. I would do anything for you. I smile (now on the inside) when I hear your voice.

I love you.

Can she love you like I do?

Is it possible for anyone to love you like I do?

_Look me in the eyes and say it's true._

You're pinning all your hopes on the fact that she loves you at least half as much as I do.

Because that'll be enough for you. Because you think you don't need me.

You and her. Is it true love?

True love like (I thought) you and me were.

Can you tell me that she loves you?

Can she tell you that she loves you?

_I ask myself is this love at all._

With you and me it was love.

Is it love with you and her?

Sure she gives you affection. Well, she is one of the most affectionate people I've ever met.

But you, more of a different type. She gives you affection as a sister would give a cute little brother affection. Almost as a mother would give her first son affection.

But you crave love.

Sweet, passionate love.

Ever since you left me you've craved love. My love.

(I hope.)

_When I need you most you let me fall._

You always were the better of us two at lying. You used to fend of the questions for me.

But I'm a rubbish liar even though I've managed to keep it a secret for so long.

Don't you know that it's impossible to lie to a mind reader? They found out that I'm into boys.

Though of course they'll never know about us, because you're straight, because you're going out with a girl.

I just fell into a dark pit and I can't get out.

_I'm always here at the side of your stage_

_let you live your life._

Now I'm just down in the pit and I can't interfere with your performance. I have to let you act to your hearts content.

But I'm still there if you really need me. Always at the side of your spotlight.

I'm being good about this aren't I? I'm not begging for you back, or hating you for leaving me.

Sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them go. Seems like that's how much I love you. I love you enough to let you move on.

_Pretend I'm okay._

You may not know this but I'm a good actor too. You're probably the only one who knows that my ever present smile is fake.

But you choose to ignore that. Desperately clinging on to the hope that you didn't just lose your first love, you got a better one as well.

I'm happy for you. I honestly am.

But I just realised; even the extras are expected to act. And I'm just an extra in your life.

_Don't you know that this is wrong?_

How is it that you can be so open about your relationship with her? Yet you were ashamed of anyone knowing about us. It's not fair.

Me and you were actually in love properly. But you and her aren't in love. You never were and you never will be.

You know that.

Maybe when you stop lying to yourself you'll realise that.

Maybe you'll come back to me.

Or maybe I'm seriously disillusioned.

How ironic.

_I'll be okay._

Don't worry, I won't fall apart completely.

Coz I know that you'll need me when you do.

Real love lasts Spook.

You and Mia won't.

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**That was kinda depressing.  
Let me know what you think.  
Arrie **


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